If you're serious about saving your marriage, you MUST Check This Out!

The one thing you must always remember is that no one marriage is like another.
So, while there are guidelines and rules for general marital health, you have to do what is right for you and your spouse.
If you are trying to decide if your marriage is in trouble, consider these factors:

* Did you choose the wrong person to marry? If so, then your marriage probably IS in trouble.
So, when you are trying to figure out if your marriage is in trouble consider whether you are unhappy because you expect the person you married to be someone they are not.
If you married someone with little ambition, don’t expect them to turn into Donald Trump. People usually remain the same at their core and rarely does a tiger change its stripes.
* Are you able to recognize that everyone has disagreements and differences? Even the most devoted couples are likely to disagree on things from time to time. Some of these issues may arise from ‘gender perspective’.
For example, a woman may feel that her son should be given more time to adjust to school, whereas her husband may be impatient and fear that his son will be perceived as weak if he does not stand up and ‘take it like a man’.
Of course, gender isn’t always the predictor of your attitudes about such things.
Sometimes, it is your upbringing and the way your parents taught you to behave or what they taught you to expect from life.
Whatever the differences in perception, these issues are normal.
To the extent you can be objective about them and talk about WHY you feel a certain way, you will be able to work through the issue with less anger and conflict.
* Are both parties committed to the long-term success of their marriage, at every stage?
The issues you will face as you raise children and grapple with financial strife, are different than the issues you may face in old age, or the health issues that may plague your spouse, or even the first years of marriage where you are ‘getting to know each other’.
Be prepared to roll with these issues TOGETHER and to invest in your marriage as if you were investing in your career.
Your marriage is AT LEAST as important as your job, isn’t it?
* Is your spouse uppermost in your mind? Don’t make your job your first priority, or even your children. Your child or children may take a lot of time or attention, and your career may as well, but if you put these things before your marriage, your spouse will know that they have taken a back seat.
Try to connect once or twice a day, even if it is early in the morning, or late at night. Find some time to talk and share, laugh and touch.
* Do you talk to each other? Don’t count the times you talk about who is driving the car pool to the soccer game or who is making dinner.
Think about how often you just sit and talk about things that interest you or share a funny anecdote about the day.
How often does this discussion take the form of complaining or recriminations?
* Do you still have things in common? Do you still find your spouse funny, touching and attractive? Can you think of several very positive traits about your spouse?
* Do you get angry with your spouse a lot? Do the two of you fight, raise your voice, or go through periods where you do not speak?
* Do you keep secrets from your spouse and find yourself sharing more intimate information with friends or relatives as opposed to your marital partner?
Do you share your fears, joys and most private moments with your spouse?
* Do you talk about your spouse with others and complain about his/her bad habits or traits?
Or do you address these head-on with your spouse and keep your problems between just the two of you?
Do you allow your family and/or friends to talk about or complain about your spouse and advise you on your marriage?
* Do you try to remain focused on what is important to you as a family unit?
Do you spend money on yourself without thinking of the impact on your spouse and your ability to pay bills?
Do you resent having to share your income with your spouse and spending money on things you don’t find important?
* Do you respect your spouse’s privacy? Do you go through their dresser drawers, glove compartments and suit pockets? Marriage puts us in close proximity with our spouses and sometimes your spouse may need their own space.
Do you respect their need to go out with friends occasionally or to spend time alone in an activity or hobby?
* Do you talk about things other than work? It is natural to want to share your problems at the end of the day.
If you want to do that, try to talk briefly about the issues of the day and then switch gears, and leave work behind, so you can enjoy each other’s company.
* Do you trust your spouse more than anyone else in your life? Would you tell them anything?
* Do you treat your spouse with respect, respecting their right to their opinion? Do you make fun of them or deride them in public?
* Have you or your spouse had one or more affairs or serious relationships outside your marriage?
Infidelity is a major cause of divorce, but there are many couples that have fought through this most difficult violation of trust.
Of course, both of you must WANT to work this out and be willing to re-establish the trust that has been destroyed. It does take time!
If you truly WANT to stay married marriage after an affair, the other relationship must end and there must be evidence that things are changing.
This issue is significant enough that it may require professional counseling to get past the hurt and deal with your anger and feelings of violation without making the situation worse.
* Have you contacted, or considered contacting, a divorce lawyer? Don’t make this call unless you both agree that this is the only option.
It is devastating to find out that your spouse has been consulting a lawyer.
If you still have a chance of working things out, this phone call may signal the end of the marriage to your spouse, and destroy any chance of reconciliation.
* Lastly, do you tell your spouse (or show them) every day that you love them? If not, you are risking their feeling taken for granted.
* Remember, that you never know how much time you have together and that your relationship is a precious balance. Don’t become lazy about the little things!

These are just some of the things you should consider when you are trying to determine the health of your marriage.

Most of these issues come down to honest and open communication, sharing your life and problems, and treating your spouse with respect.