All marriage success takes is the right attitude and commitment. Do you have these things:
* A mutual commitment to the marriage
* A willingness to compromise with and listen to each other
* A desire to improve your relationship
* The ability to recognize your feelings and embrace your differences
* The desire to break bad relationship habits
* The desire to be open and communicative with your spouse
* The ability to take responsibility for your actions
* The willingness to make time to work on your issues
* Mutual respect and love for one another

Don’t be afraid of what lies ahead. Your marriage can be a greater success than you ever imagined.
Become excited about the future of your relationship and all the adventures it may hold. If you’re excited about your relationship, you can start saving your marriage today. Don’t you and your spouse want to be excited about being together? If so, then there’s no reason to delay getting your marriage back on track.

The sooner you start working on things, the sooner you can get things back to where they should be. A good marriage is very rewarding and you can discover great contentment by having a loving, supportive partner at your side.

Remember, you’re not the only couple in the world who ever had problems. Other couples have had problems, many of them worse problems than what you and your spouse have experienced. And these couples have worked through their issues. There’s no reason you can’t do the same. Start saving your marriage today. You’ll find it’s really worth it.

It isn’t easy. Taking on the commitment to work on your marriage means you may be working on it for weeks, months, or possibly years, depending on how deep your issues are. You must continually analyze your marriage and make sure it is improving and staying healthy. Then, once you’ve gotten things back on track, you need to keep them there.

Here are a few tips to help you keep your marriage healthy after you’ve restored balance and tranquility in it. Marriage takes constant work, so don’t stop maintaining it just because you’ve reached your initial goal.
* Watch for stress from things like a lost job, an illness or the loss of a family member. If any of these things occur, be especially diligent and supportive of your partner during this time.
* If you see any new issues in your marriage, talk about them right away.
* Listen to your spouse when he or she has something to say and don’t become defensive. Look at it as a loving opportunity to set things right.
* Help and support each other in all of your endeavors, both in and out of the house.
* Don’t take your spouse for granted and be sure to openly appreciate what he or she does for you.
* Be romantic through words and gestures.
* Make time for each other. Even just going to the grocery store together helps you spend valuable quality time together.
* Show physical affection to each other openly and regularly.
* You can disagree, but don’t be accusatory or yell. Be calm, supportive, and loving.
* Don’t try to control your spouse. Accept him or her for who they are. This is the best thing you can do to work on your marriage and be successful.

Professional help is often a good option that can save your marriage. Just be sure to thoroughly research the person you plan to counsel. Even very skilled and qualified therapists may not “click” with you and your spouse, so you may have to do some shopping around. That’s okay. It’s important that you’re comfortable with whoever your therapist is for the therapy to work well.

About a third of those who are actively working on marriage problems choose to use a counselor. Sometimes it is just one partner attending counseling, while other times both spouses go. Yet, bear in mind that the people who went to therapy mostly realized that they only needed counseling to get their marriage back on track, and that keeping it on track was easier for them after the counseling sessions. Do you need counseling for your marriage in this way? Think about it.

Keep in mind that some counselors will just take your money and listen to you talk without really doing anything to help you. You’ll know right away if this is happening, so avoid  those kinds of counselors. Also be aware that using a counselor can feel threatening to a spouse, especially if this spouse was asked by the other spouse to attend counseling. Make sure your spouse doesn’t feel judged in the sessions and that he or she is comfortable being there and participating.

Sometimes, you might want to go to counseling alone to work on some of your own marriage issues and clarify things for yourself. If that’s okay with your spouse, go for it, as it can be very helpful. That doesn’t mean the non-attending spouse gets out of working on the relationship, though. Make sure he or she knows that he or she will be expected to do their part to help the marriage get on track, even if they don’t attend counseling. It is important that both of you commit to saving your marriage for the process to work.

Do you need counseling for your marriage? Perhaps it can be useful for you, or for you and your spouse together. Just make sure that you are both committed to the counseling process and to make your marriage happy.

When you embark on the journey to improve your marriage, try to remember that even the youngest children are capable of great intuition and observation. If you are having problems, your children probably know that, even if you aren’t having open fights.

If your children are old enough to have heard about divorce, or to have friends with divorced parents, sit down and reassure them that you and your spouse are working through your issues. Tell them that you both love each other AND love the children and will do everything you can to resolve your issues.

It is easy to pretend that your children don’t know what is happening, especially since most people are uncomfortable talking about these things with their kids.

But don’t make the mistake of shutting them out. You’ll leave them to worry and draw their own conclusions and they are bound to feel insecure and nervous.

It is OK to tell your children there are problems. In fact, parents who teach their children at a young age, about compromise and conflict resolution, are giving their children valuable tools to take into their adult years.

Everyone needs to know that there will be disagreements throughout their lives and to feel that they know how to handle these disagreements when they arise.

Silence, recrimination and accusation are not the legacies you want to leave your kids.

As for the rest of your family, you may find that they are a hindrance if you don’t lay down some ground rules.

If you have made the mistake of talking to your siblings or parents or friends about your spouse and now you want the space to improve your marriage, you have to be honest with your family and friends.

Let them know that you recognize you made a mistake in ‘talking out of school’ and that you and your spouse intend to work hard to resolve your issues.

Ask for their support and understanding and discourage them from making sarcastic or cutting remarks about your spouse to you or to anyone else.

First, you have to be serious about saving your relationship. Arrange for undisturbed time alone with each other on a regular basis. Send the kids away for a weekend once a month or so, and focus solely on the two of you. This is your personal marriage retreat, whether or not you actually go anywhere.

In your first session alone, you’ll need to figure out what your problems are so you can figure out solutions. You can write these things down at first if you have communication issues. But you will eventually have to work on those communication issues and talk about your problems. You can do it. The more time you spend alone together, the easier it will get to open up to each other.

Remember, don’t get angry or defensive during your times alone. Here are some good ground rules for your sessions to get your marriage back on track:

1. Don’t interrupt each other.
2. Don’t judge, just listen.
3. Don’t raise your voice, and if you must disagree, do so with respect.
4. No physical abuse or angry language.
5. Ask a lot of questions to make sure you understand what the other person is saying.
6. Keep your discussions private.
7. Don’t become defensive, and trust that your spouse wants to get the relationship back to where it was.
8. Don’t take anything personally!
9. End each session by talking about positive things between the two of you.
10. Make an appointment for your next session to keep your marriage on track and keep it!

* Did you choose the wrong person to marry? If so, then your marriage probably IS in trouble.
So, when you are trying to figure out if your marriage is in trouble consider whether you are unhappy because you expect the person you married to be someone they are not.
If you married someone with little ambition, don’t expect them to turn into Donald Trump. People usually remain the same at their core and rarely does a tiger change its stripes.
* Are you able to recognize that everyone has disagreements and differences? Even the most devoted couples are likely to disagree on things from time to time. Some of these issues may arise from ‘gender perspective’.
For example, a woman may feel that her son should be given more time to adjust to school, whereas her husband may be impatient and fear that his son will be perceived as weak if he does not stand up and ‘take it like a man’.
Of course, gender isn’t always the predictor of your attitudes about such things.
Sometimes, it is your upbringing and the way your parents taught you to behave or what they taught you to expect from life.
Whatever the differences in perception, these issues are normal.
To the extent you can be objective about them and talk about WHY you feel a certain way, you will be able to work through the issue with less anger and conflict.
* Are both parties committed to the long-term success of their marriage, at every stage?
The issues you will face as you raise children and grapple with financial strife, are different than the issues you may face in old age, or the health issues that may plague your spouse, or even the first years of marriage where you are ‘getting to know each other’.
Be prepared to roll with these issues TOGETHER and to invest in your marriage as if you were investing in your career.
Your marriage is AT LEAST as important as your job, isn’t it?
* Is your spouse uppermost in your mind? Don’t make your job your first priority, or even your children. Your child or children may take a lot of time or attention, and your career may as well, but if you put these things before your marriage, your spouse will know that they have taken a back seat.
Try to connect once or twice a day, even if it is early in the morning, or late at night. Find some time to talk and share, laugh and touch.
* Do you talk to each other? Don’t count the times you talk about who is driving the car pool to the soccer game or who is making dinner.
Think about how often you just sit and talk about things that interest you or share a funny anecdote about the day.
How often does this discussion take the form of complaining or recriminations?
* Do you still have things in common? Do you still find your spouse funny, touching and attractive? Can you think of several very positive traits about your spouse?
* Do you get angry with your spouse a lot? Do the two of you fight, raise your voice, or go through periods where you do not speak?
* Do you keep secrets from your spouse and find yourself sharing more intimate information with friends or relatives as opposed to your marital partner?
Do you share your fears, joys and most private moments with your spouse?
* Do you talk about your spouse with others and complain about his/her bad habits or traits?
Or do you address these head-on with your spouse and keep your problems between just the two of you?
Do you allow your family and/or friends to talk about or complain about your spouse and advise you on your marriage?
* Do you try to remain focused on what is important to you as a family unit?
Do you spend money on yourself without thinking of the impact on your spouse and your ability to pay bills?
Do you resent having to share your income with your spouse and spending money on things you don’t find important?
* Do you respect your spouse’s privacy? Do you go through their dresser drawers, glove compartments and suit pockets? Marriage puts us in close proximity with our spouses and sometimes your spouse may need their own space.
Do you respect their need to go out with friends occasionally or to spend time alone in an activity or hobby?
* Do you talk about things other than work? It is natural to want to share your problems at the end of the day.
If you want to do that, try to talk briefly about the issues of the day and then switch gears, and leave work behind, so you can enjoy each other’s company.
* Do you trust your spouse more than anyone else in your life? Would you tell them anything?
* Do you treat your spouse with respect, respecting their right to their opinion? Do you make fun of them or deride them in public?
* Have you or your spouse had one or more affairs or serious relationships outside your marriage?
Infidelity is a major cause of divorce, but there are many couples that have fought through this most difficult violation of trust.
Of course, both of you must WANT to work this out and be willing to re-establish the trust that has been destroyed. It does take time!
If you truly WANT to stay married marriage after an affair, the other relationship must end and there must be evidence that things are changing.
This issue is significant enough that it may require professional counseling to get past the hurt and deal with your anger and feelings of violation without making the situation worse.
* Have you contacted, or considered contacting, a divorce lawyer? Don’t make this call unless you both agree that this is the only option.
It is devastating to find out that your spouse has been consulting a lawyer.
If you still have a chance of working things out, this phone call may signal the end of the marriage to your spouse, and destroy any chance of reconciliation.
* Lastly, do you tell your spouse (or show them) every day that you love them? If not, you are risking their feeling taken for granted.
* Remember, that you never know how much time you have together and that your relationship is a precious balance. Don’t become lazy about the little things!

These are just some of the things you should consider when you are trying to determine the health of your marriage.

Most of these issues come down to honest and open communication, sharing your life and problems, and treating your spouse with respect.

75% of Americans still say that marriage should be a life-long commitment that should not be abandoned, except under the direst of circumstances.

And even AFTER a bad experience with divorce or separation, more than 80% of those surveyed thought that marriage should be for life.

What do you think?

The average unhappy marriage looks something like this:

• Young adults
• Employed, but lower income
• Children in the household

But, that is not to say that unhappily married couples do not come in all shapes, sizes, age groups and income levels. You may wonder if there has ever been a study to determine whether those marriages that end in divorce are actually ‘unhappier’ than those where the couples decide to stay together.

Studies HAVE illustrated that marriages ending in divorce experienced more fighting, more conflict, an environment of stress and unhappiness and, twice the rate of spousal abuse and violence.

But, spousal abuse and violence was reported in only 20% of these cases, and only in 10% of unhappy marriages where the couple decided to stay together.

So if the UNHAPPIEST people – the ones who endure the most conflict, fighting and environmental stress – are the ones that decide to seek a divorce, then it should hold true that after the divorce, these people would be happier and more balanced. But, no!

Studies show that those unhappily married people who decided on divorce were no happier or emotionally well balanced after the divorce than they were during the marriage!

In other words, divorce did not solve all of their problems!

* Nearly half of all marriages now end in divorce within ten years.

* Because most marriages fail in the first ten years, young children are often involved.

* Divorce rates doubled in the 1970’s, due to laws making divorce easier.

* Most people who divorce will remarry.

* More than 60% of second marriages also end in divorce.

Plus, studies have showed that those people who are in unhappy marriages, those who divorce are no happier after the divorce than they were in the marriage. Divorce usually does not raise self esteem, improve depression, or increase a person’s sense of control over his or her own life. These outcomes are expected by those who divorce, but rarely actually happen.

This could be that while divorce relieves certain types of stress, it creates others, especially when children are involved. Plus, you have to deal with the reaction of other family members who may have an attachment to the spouse you are divorcing. That is why it is better to think twice before divorcing and try to find alternatives to save your marriage.

And, in the process, they find they are in for other problems:
* Dealing with children who are confused and upset
* Dealing with divorce attorneys and an adversarial court process that makes the relationship even worse
* Dealing with financial issues
* Possible religious or spiritual issues surrounding divorce
* Dealing with extended family and in-law issues
* Handling life as a newly-single person
* Dating, remarriage and even, many times, another divorce!

While it is true that there are times when divorce is the only option – times when a couple has tried everything to stay together and nothing works.

Sometimes the obstacles are insurmountable!

Issues like spousal abuse, drug or alcohol addiction or continued promiscuous behavior, to name a few, may present problems for which a couple can find no ready solution.

But, let’s consider the flip side. For many couples, today’s divorce laws have just made it too easy to give up.

Everyone hits a tough patch now and again, and if both parties do not have the commitment and the resolution to stick with the marriage, escape may seem a very attractive option.

But, time and statistics have shown that divorce is not always the easy solution it may seem.

Many people find that they are just as miserable after divorce and that, if they remarry, the same obstacles present themselves.

Sometimes, the person needs to change. And, we all need to take a long look at ourselves to decide if our emotional baggage is creating more issues than our spouse.

Other times we just need to learn how to be married, and how to work on a relationship.

The wise and observant young adult may have already figured out what made his parents’ marriage ideal, and he may even see the little things they did to keep the relationship solid.

But, until he gets into his own relationship, he may not realize that his observation skills may far outweigh his knowledge of human relationships.

You usually have to learn these things on your own, though a positive role model can’t hurt!

If you are reading this now, you are probably grappling with some relationship problems, yourself.

Or perhaps you are trying to help a loved one deal with their marriage issues.

Some people will end up divorced, even after they try their hardest to resolve their issues. But for many people, saving and sustaining a marriage is an achievable goal.

All you need is the commitment and the focus – and a little time – and you can break the old habits, and replace these damaging traits with a new, more nurturing approach!

Anger and bitterness arise in both partners, which can result in separation or divorce. But either of these outcomes are painful to the partners as well as to their families. If children are involved, it becomes even more complicated. Most partners want to try to save their marriage after cheating. It is difficult, but can be done.

It‘s painful to be cheated on, but you mustn‘t get frustrated and should stay calm. Put yourself in control of the situation. When you put yourself in control and don‘t play the victim, you stand a much better chance of repairing your relationship.

Yes, getting angry is normal, but try to cool down as soon as possible and realize that cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your partner. Your partner chose to cheat. However, you can find out why, and if it is because your partner wasn’t getting something he or she needed from you, you can resolve to put aside your angry feelings and take your partner’s needs into consideration.

You have to be able to forgive and forget to move forward with your relationship. Find out if your partner is willing to work on saving the union, and then work out what you need to do to make that happen. Work on it together, and you may find that it brings you closer together again. You can literally make a new start with a new understanding of each other. It is a beautiful thing when it works, and if you both still love each other, it will be the best thing you ever did for each other.